The day I got my AS result still runs fresh in my mind. That feeling of hopelessness creeping into me, telling me that there was nothing I could do. When my name was called my heart jumped into my throat and I got up to receive my result with trembling hands. “B, C, C, E!”. The ground beneath me gave way and I fell into a chasm of despondency. I thought my eyes were toying with me, was this actually mine? How could I have let this happen to me? I messaged my parents my result and powered off my phone. On my way home all I could think about was how I had let my parents down. All those days I spent playing video games and watching movies. If only I had listened to my parents and learned those chapters and done past papers. Now I have destroyed my future and there is nothing I can do. All these negative thoughts started coming to me and whenever I tried to shake them away, I would start envisioning my mother’s crestfallen face which crushed me from within. Finally, I reached home after what seemed forever.
When I entered my house which seemed more like a purgatory. Upon entering my parent’s room I could see the disappointment on their faces. At that moment I wanted to become invisible and just run away. My father broke the silence by saying, “Your decisions in life have consequences, now it is time for you to live up to them.” He told me that this was all in the past and now, all I could do was work for the future. He said that everyone loses once in a while and that I had to learn from my mistakes and make sure they do not happen again. This instilled me with motivation to work even harder and never let my parents, and more importantly myself down again. I set myself on the challenge of trying to turn this around. Firstly I decided to give my math re-take as I was pretty confident in my mathematic skills. It took a great deal of practice and determination to keep up with my school work and re-take preparation at the same time. Finally, I was able to change my math result to an A and at the same time have improved my school grades from last year. I am currently working really hard and hope to do even better in mocks and my A2 CIE examinations.
This experience changed me and made me understand that I should never take anything leniently because if I do, it will end up being my downfall. It also helped in re-defining my priorities as I have started giving more time to understanding a problem, rather than just practicing it. However, at the same time what matters the most is whether or not you can pick yourself up again just as Nelson Mandela said, “Don’t judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” Because that is what really matters!